Monday, March 4, 2013

i'm special



i talked about it a little bit on our business blog, but elliott said something that totally kicked my ass the other day.

we try to spend time with each of the kids individually as much as possible, especially elliott. he just needs to be reminded of the love that surrounds him from time to time.

and here's the thing.
i say all of this today with a slight layer of guilt hidden under the surface.

i treated myself with our tax return, as i always do. two new bras, a pair of boots, a couple dresses, 30 ill-spent dollars at lush...the list could go on but i'm honestly too embarrassed to continue.

most of the items i want fall in my lap because my husband loves me. sometimes he loves me too much.

i despise spending money on myself. hate it really. cory's usually the one responsible for buying me new underwear because he can't stand to see me in thread bare awfulnesses. and he has to see me in it often since i only wear pants 15% of the time.

you guys, i won't even buy myself underwear. why do i do this to myself?

it's not because i don't want our money to be spent. because i have no problem with buying the kids things..or cory buying himself things. i just don't want money to be spent on me.

but rewinding back to my day with elliott...
while at the lego store he spotted a book on harry potter at the register. and if these children know anything they know of my love for the boy wizard. i've only spent the last several years trying to drill the story into their heads.

when he saw the book my baby insisted that i buy it for myself.
and me, being me, i kept refusing.
and he kept insisting.
we left the store without it, but not before spending $20 on legos for elliott.

fast forward to our local science museum.
oh my word, you guys. they had quidditch goggles.
i tried oh so hard to talk elliott into getting them.
they're so amazing, elliott! you should get them!
he turned down the offer to get them for him, then started insisting that i get them for myself.
come on, mommy. you really like them. you should get them.

buying them for elliott would've been fine. buying them for myself? ridiculous.

and that's when it happened.

you never want to get anything for you, because you don't think you're special, mommy. but you're special.

shot to the heart, you guys.

so i'm here to tell you guys that dammit i'm special. and i'm really gonna try to treat myself like i'm special more often.

because the thing is...if i don't show my kids that i'm special how do i expect to build their self esteem?

to think that i could teach them to believe that they're special while constantly putting myself on a back burner and never doing small things for myself is just..well...it's stupid. and i may be a college drop out but i remember enough from those child psychology classes to know that this is an absolute essential part to raising confident children.

i have to learn to love myself.







7 comments:

  1. Oh Vanessa. This was so good.
    So powerful.
    So real.
    You are special. I see it all the time.
    Thank you for this.

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    Replies
    1. oh his words were powerful & real. it was definitely an epiphany. and from my baby's mouth..

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  2. Powerful post. And I love those photos at the end!! Seriously make me smile!

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  3. okay, i love that picture and i am pms'ing a little, i think (even though i feel like i was just pms'ing like two weeks ago.) so i totally teared up...i don't even have kids...

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  4. okay, i love that picture and i am pms'ing a little, i think (even though i feel like i was just pms'ing like two weeks ago.) so i totally teared up...i don't even have kids...

    ReplyDelete
  5. okay, i love that picture and i am pms'ing a little, i think (even though i feel like i was just pms'ing like two weeks ago.) so i totally teared up...i don't even have kids...

    ReplyDelete