Tuesday, February 5, 2013

everything will be okay

i'm no good at big decisions.
i over think them til i've worked myself into a total awful frenzy.

we're facing two big decisions right now.
1. cory's future in school & career...
2. the kids' schooling...

and i'm finally coming to a place of peace. the thing is that things are never black and white, and i hate it. if there could just be one big answer to every major decision, yea, that'd be great.

pro's and con's help. making mental lists, then realizing that we have to take everyone in this house into account when making such decisions.

decisions in cory's schooling are still unclear, and i know we're both just so ready for some relief.
i know the light is there at the end of the tunnel..but digging our way to it & trying to decide which way to go when we hit a fork in the road is proving to be a pain in the ass.

and when it comes to the kids' schooling, the bottom line is that i'm failing.
i'm a kick ass mom. i'm a terrible homeschooling mom. and i need to realize this doesn't make me a total failure.
i need to know that i'm raising confident capable kids and that it's okay to cut the strings.
they can fly, i know they can. i just need to let them out of their cages and rediscover who i am.
i've spent the last 8 1/2 years of my life being nothing but mommy.
and i need to realize that having the desire to do something for me and no one else isn't selfish, but self preservation.

my mental health has been on a downward spiral lately, and it's essential for me to get well in order to re-establish some sanity and peace in our home.

i found my happy place today sitting on the floor or shower, scrubbing the walls.
sometimes cleaning is the only way i can find that place where everything seems clear again.
and the only problem with that scenario is the fact that once i've found that place the last thing i want to do is clean.
our bathroom is the cleanest it's been in years. the rest of the house? not so much.

it's okay..everything will be okay.


  1. A few things I love about this. I love how you know, you just know that you are a good mom and that sending them off is okay. You are a great mom, and I also rather love how cleaning makes your mind clear. Mine too! When I'm stressed or I can't figure things out I clean, it just helps. I also love the song, and of course I love you. xo Tracie