restless

the last week has been spent working our asses off to re-do the boys' room. it was a successful project..with freshly painted walls, a super hero closet, a tardis door, and more awesomeness to come. i seriously spent a good hour yesterday painstakingly organizing all the books on their shelves.

the best part though? watching them go in & make a glorious mess after all that work. and this isn't me being my usual sarcastic self. total honesty here. seeing them enjoy all the hard work we put into it was one of the most gratifying things i've experienced in a while.

and even though they have the most amazing room two little boys obsessed with all things super hero and doctor who could have, they still ventured into our bed last night. not even the new lightsaber nightlight on their wall could comfort them the way we can.

in my head every night i tell myself that the second they come into our room i'll banish them back to theirs. our bed just simply isn't big enough. it isn't. but then otto came in last night carrying his giant teddy bear that's nearly as big as he is, complaining that he just couldn't sleep without me.

so i spent a good bulk of my night on the very edge of the bed with him breathing right onto the back of my neck and elliott somehow managing to kick me from the other side of the bed.

since i didn't spent much time sleeping, i did what i usually do during these late nights. i let my mind wander. and i came to an obvious conclusion. i think it's truly impossible to do something as important as raising children without wondering every day if you're fucking it all up. in fact, it may very well be the mark of a great parenting.

but in moments like last night i felt brave enough to re-assure myself that our kids are amazing people. whether that's thanks to their obviously superior genes or our hands off, let them be people parenting approach i may never know.

and i may be singing a different tune once adolescence hits. i've been enjoying "parenthood"..i know, always behind...and thoroughly enjoying it, despite the fact that it's made me completely terrified of raising teenagers. but i have to believe that doing our best to treat them respect thus far will pay off in the long run.

in all honesty i can't wait to see who they'll be at 13...16..21...

for now i'll live in the 57 hugs and kisses they give me a day and hope that they never ever get too big to keep giving them.