Tuesday, October 2, 2012

pointless entry

i have a problem with dwelling on the past at times. that's a lie. i have a problem with dwelling on the past all the time.

and it's difficult for me to not focus on the things that i regret.

i regret not being more outspoken about what i wanted at my wedding.
i regret not waiting longer to have children.
i regret not fishing college. directly related to the regret above.
i regret not being more aware of my health and physical activity.
i regret not being more self aware in high school & my 20's.
i regret spending so much time letting others take advantage.

it's difficult to not let these things turn me into a bitter, selfish bitch. in some ways i feel like i was cheated out of things that should've been important moments in my life. and i need to let go.

maybe i even need to write them all down, put them in balloons, and let them fly away. but i won't because a. that visual therapy shit has never worked on me and b. i'm too cheap to buy balloons then just let them fly away.

the only way to right the past is live my life without regrets here, in the now.

and that, my friends, is the reason why i haven't folded laundry in weeks.

just thought i'd share.


  1. It's so okay to feel that way. Is it weird that I feel like you are going to figure it all out, someday, and that you'll be able to help us all be happier and love ourselves? That's what I think of you. That's what I think you'll do.

    1. oh i love you. and i hope so. i really do.

  2. this is not pointless at all.

  3. Write that shit down and burn it. Burn baby burn. Fires are fun and you can down a beer. Screw laundry. I love reading your posts!

  4. def not pointless.

    I have a few of those same regrets and I, too, struggle with just letting them go. Then, OF COURSE, comes the total guilt for even thinking them...but yeah, they're there, just beneath the surface. They come out to play (torture me) every few weeks (ahem), but for the most part, I focus on things that annoy me now that I can actually work on and fix.

    Or I just have a big fat drink and they don't sting as much.
    It does help to not do regrettable things, duh. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.